GUYS I FINALLY GOT THE FIRST DRAFT OF MY SCRIPT DONE. I HAVE NO CLUE AS TO WHY I STRUGGLED SO MUCH WITH THIS BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW. What I need to do now is critique it myself and have others critique it, BUT what I can finally do is make a storyboard because I believe the vast majority of the script will follow the route it is already in.
However, I can still look at the areas I am not the most confident in and see how I can fix them by seeing what I want those parts of the scripts to do for the film. I also have to keep in mind of how it fits into the film as a whole. Right now my film script locks in at just under eight full pages, small note but I might have to shorten it slightly. One thing I did notice is that the parts that aren't dialogue aren't completely in the format of a film script, they are more like a short story, but I don't think it is a big deal I understand it and I want others to understand it. I have cast people that don't know a whole lot about film and all of its technicality so I wanted it to be more understand. That also goes for the people that want to do the music, I talked about the music to give them a better understanding of what I am looking for.
Here's the context for the film. The film itself has three scenes that can also work as the three acts of the story. The first scene is the shortest, taking place in a room and getting into a car. The second scene is on the road while the car is driving. The last is in the house where the body is. The first scene's main purpose is to establish the characters and how they interact with both the world and the story. The second scene's purpose is to provide the main source of the satire, more specifically the satire talks about how ridiculous the actions of characters in these film were and how they were accepted at the time. It also has the smaller purpose of building upon the characters and their issues with each other. The last scene is then used as a place for more satire to occur, but this is more comedic instead of saying anything about the genre.
Anyway, here are the areas where I am not the most confident about; the ending mainly, but some parts of the car section as well.
The first picture is part of the car scene and the second is from the end of the film. The problem with the car scene is that much of the conversation feels odd, I am not sure how to describe it completely but it feels ham-fisted at times. The problem with the ending is the pacing, it ends way too abruptly and I need to fix that. The character of John is also annoying the hell out of me because he is just complaining about almost everything without any self awareness himself. Doe's line also feel weird because they don't exactly align with his character. I am going to give Doe way less lines, the voiceovers in the script I will keep because I think they work really well and feel way funnier than most of the other jokes in the script. John I am going to have to make him more likeable, I think I can do that by giving him a little goal throughout the film instead of making him just a ride along. I think what I am going to do is make him nicer and have him try to connect with Doe in some way, which works perfectly with the fact that Doe will be saying less lines, causing more distant between the two than this first draft.
I didn't treat anything in the film with any care and focused solely on the jokes but I think the characters should come first. It will make John more relatable and Doe more of an intriguing character. This first draft was basically only about the jokes so that I what I am going to be working on for the next few days.
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